sweetabsence
In My Veins Wth Pulsating Passion.
3-31-07 || 1:31pm || Mood:
Life has been good lately. Ive felt like things have been falling into place lately. Especially relationship wise. But I also feel like school and my future career are flowin' in my veins with pulsating passion. Kids are amazing creatures and I am so blessed to have the gift of working with them currently... I cant wait to devote more of my time to them after I graduate.
The past couple of weeks, Marc has made great strides for our relationship. He finally told me what Ive been needing to hear. "From now on, I am working towards making our lives better. I want to get you out of there. But please hold on a little longer. Im doing things so you dont have to worry about these things anymore."
That came from him! Its wonderful to hear but I am still leary of his new car sales job. I have the upmost hope for him to finally get to a comfortable place finanically, but I know how he can get so frusterated if things dont come to him fast. He wants to work hard but sometimes he doesnt want to put in the actual work part of that and lets his frusterations take over him. Well. We'll see. In other news, he told me he has been looking at rings lately. It all freaks me out really! More like 'wow, this could really happen soon' than being scared about the actual marriage part. We'd probably wont get married for a few years after engagement anyways... but that doesnt mean I dont want the ring now. I am all about changes and for me to be able to know what it feels like to come home to him, and to call him my fiance... would feel like were making big steps. The relationship stuff lately has made me feel like were making progress. Antyhing is better than what its been.
I was telling the girl that I work with that it would almost be easier if I was dating people. She gave me a 'what? are you kidding?' look. But Ive recently realized that its not that I want to be with someone new, but Ive been yerning to meet new people really. In the friendship relm. I feel the need to unwrap the stickly layers of a new friend. Just some new connecting can do my soul some good. I am working on this but I still wonder why anyone would want to be friends with a complicated girl like me.
Lately, Ive been saying some harsh honest things to marc that really reveal my self esteem level. "You shouldnt have to deal with someone like me. You should find someone else to be with and your life will be easier." Ive said this a couple of times to him and he looks at me in the eyes says, "Dont say that. That makes me sad." I need that direct and firm shake to my system.
Marc has also learned what to say when I get overwhelmed... Hug me tightly and tell me that everythings going to be alright.
Its a new thing for him... and for me too.