sweetabsence
Room For Change In 2008!!
12-29-07 || 2:58pm || Mood:
So I never made an appointment to see someone about my anxiety. Mostly because its been under control lately. I am struggling with figuring out the cause of my anxiety. Its heightened when school gets hard, and all I want to do when Friday rolls around is stay home and watch tv. Does that mean I have social anxiety? To me it means I dont want to deal with anyone (especially Marc's friends) and also that I just want to sit and do nothing. Is that so bad? I guess its because in the past I havent made an effort to hang out with his friends and apparently that doesnt give me any room to improve this issue. lol It only means I have another excuse.
Marc and I argue about this often. Although wouldnt call myself either an extrovert or introvert (because I am both depending on the situation). Sometimes its okay for me to be introverted and other times it seems to be that it is unexceptable. I suppose if this is the only thing we fight about then I am blessed. And by fighting I mean, we stubbornly argue for awhile and then I give him the silent treatment for awhile longer... and then we're good. lol
Anyways, the social anxiety thing is beyond me. I just want other people to be okay with me being who I am and doing what I feel. I think in this new year I want to do both of those things more without care. I am who I am and I'll do things when I feel like it. I totally feel like I give too much to other people and this causes me much grief, when I have thought that giving to others would bring me much more joy. Im not saying that Im turning into a scrooge but I think some people are deservant of me and with other people I shouldnt feel like I need to go out of my way.
I think I got into these habits because of my relationships with my parents. They always had a way of making you feel obligated to do certain things for them and more often then not you are left feeling unappreciated. Then you go looking for other ways to get them to approve of you. Anyways, I want to work on not caring about what other people think of me. I am who I am.
So as far as being social, Ive decided to try to be a little more social when I am feeling up to it. We've already started to hang out with other people and I think we found a group of people that arent into themselves, unlike Marc's friends. I feel confortable with them and we usually go to karoke night at Casper's Sports Barn in Eagan on Friday nights. They talk to me more than Marc's friends have ever talked to me in 4 and a half years! So, its going good.
Another change I am going to make in the new year, is to have more sex! lol Its looks not be such a hard task but in fact it has become a matter of timeing between us. It seems we both get too busy to have sex. Its like we run out of time, or someone is too drunk to have it, or I get my period... or something happens! So I will be having more sex this year damnit!! (Perhaps this coorelates to my anxiety, since sex is a great destresser. Oh! Also sex is great excerise and I will also be skinner by 2009! lol How awesome!)
*sigh* Geez.
Sorry if this entry is a ramble but I just realized I havent written in awhile and these few things have been on my mind. =)