sweetabsence
Exhale
9-20-07 || 11:17pm || Mood:
"My friends tell me I have a tendancy to point out problems without offering a soultions, but they never tell me what I should do about it." ~Daniel Gillbert
Have you ever been stressed out and it becomes such a normal thing that when you get those moments to 'break away' its almost like an exhale. Energizing and refreshing at the same time.
This semester I am taking a full load at school (which has been a ton of reading) and at work we have been doing some large transitions of kids. We're gaining kids who are a wild bunch and the taming that needs to be done is quite stressful! I feel like all I am doing is chasing kids around and reiterating myself over and over to them so the routine of the room is understood... all the while Im thinking in my head that Im not being heard. Its just all very frusterating. In fact one of my kids bit me today. lol I laugh now but it wasnt funny when it happened!
My job is very rewarding though, especially lately. Ive had a lot of parents telling me how much their kid likes me and talks about me at home. Its in those moments that its all worth it - that I have a postive influence on them, especially when it feels like theres nothing that I am doing right.
Anyways, to put it in a metaphor: my job is like a game of tug of war and need to allow the moments into my life, where I let go of the rope and watch everyone else fall into the mud... and laugh.
I also have concluded that I need another source of enjoyment in my life and Im not sure what that is. I feel like my only 'breaks' are Marc, Yelena, and my doggies? What else? Taking walks...? I cant explore as much I would like to becuase some assignment is always looming over my thoughts.
I cannot wait to be done with school and have time to take a pottery class, to write!, or something. I think I need to explore some of my passions which go beyond children and teaching. Its so hard because all the school shit has consumed me this semester and I feel a bit lost and unbalanced.
The home life has been better lately, although sitting here and thinking about it makes me realize its because I am hardly home during the week. That'll certainly relieve all potential fights that may occur. Its almost better being fake than expressing so much emotion to them and feeling crazy inside. Probably not healthy for the long run but hey at least my home life isnt another one of my stresses.
So, hopefully Im making sense in this entry because I am tired as hell. In conclusion, Jenny needs some de-stressing sex with her honey pooh... and a hobby.
Goodnight.